How to Tell You're Really in Love

Signs of Immature Love

• You are tired most of the time
• Love seems more like a burden than a joy
• Violence is part of the relationship
• You have thoughts like Maybe Things Will Get Better
• Your partner frequently makes promises that aren't kept
• You ask frequently:
  • Are You Sure You Love Me?
  • Do You Really Care about Me?
• You feel Miserable

Signs of Mature Love

• You have a lot of energy
• You have a sense of humor
• You really appreciate each other's ideas
• When you are together, you spend most of your time enjoyably and creatively
• You can talk about each other's likes and dislikes
• You are a person, not a sex object
• You can spend a day alone with your partner -- without television -- and find it fantastic
• Each sensing the other's commitment never to misuse or abuse what is known about me to hurt me

The Ten Most Important Parts of Marriage

1. Love, sensitivity, and respect for each other
   The solid foundation upon which an enduring relationship is based
2. A sense of humor and playfulness
3. Honest communication without violating private thoughts and experiences
4. Doing meaningful things together
5. Sharing time with people who are really enjoyed, both together and singly
6. Not compromising --
     o   Who you are or want to be
     o   What you want to have:
               Career
               Children
               Faithfulness to each other 
7. Tolerance for weak spots -- like being tired, clumsy, irritable at times -- and for opposite points of view
8. Acceptance of each other's likes, dislikes, levels of energy, and fantasies
9. Sexual pleasure and delight
10. Sharing household tasks

Intimacy

• Each feeling safe enough to describe fantasies
• Tolerating each other's fantasies
• Respecting each other's fantasies though not necessarily sharing them 

For further related articles see Answers for Families and Patients:

• Complete Love  [In Preparation]
• Comprehensive Psychiatric Evaluation  (Open New Window)
• How to Stop Intimacy  (Open New Window)
• Normality   (Open New Window)
• Recipe for a Strong Marriage  (Open New Window)
• Shutting Up People  (Open New Window)

See also:

• Your Child (1998 Harper Collins)
• Your Adolescent (1999 Harper Collins)

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